Secular Charlotte Mason

Somehow I find this chapter to be a bit kindler and gentler in tone than chapter 1 was. I also find it rather contradictory to some of the concepts in chapter 1. Chapter 1 stated that a mother can train their child to anything the mother wants; yet in chapter 2 we find the following quote, "We need not add that the authority is just and faithful...it is also considerate...and where she (mother) cannot yield she diverts, she does not crush with a sledge-hammer, an instrument of rule with which a child is somehow never very sympathetic".

I do like that there is a mention of "sowing a great idea lightly and casually" since I tend to think of habit training as somewhat of a major ordeal. And, of course, there are th reminders to be consistent, esp. near the end of training a specific habit. I think the beginning and the end of forming a habit are the hardest times. 

I'm still trying to figure out how you can be consistent and on top of habit training but not, (letting) "the matter be a cause of friction between herself and the child, taking the line of his friendly ally". This is one of the times that I am reminded that Ms. Mason had no children of her own. I see plenty of friction ahead when it comes to habit training my girls (my teen son is surprisingly cooperative about habit training these days).

One concept that seems to have stuck with me after reading this chapter is "being your child's ally". In LDTR it's about helping your child learn good habits but I think it could be generalized to much of parenting. I suspect I have not focused enough on being my children's ally. Somehow I think this concept will be particularly important for my tween and teen. 

What do you all think of the "be your child's ally" concept?

I'm still planning to participate.  I'm getting ready to watch her video and read some more this week....  Happy New Year!

"I'm still trying to figure out how you can be consistent and on top of habit training but not, (letting) "the matter be a cause of friction between herself and the child, taking the line of his friendly ally". "

I think this is *much* harder if you start later than earlier.  It was an ongoing struggle for me with my first litter ... btu I didn't start until their bad habits were becomign a pai n in the neck. 

With jack, I have a sense of what is going to drive me nuts as he gets older, and I have been able to start from the very beginning in guiding his habit formation on thsoe matters.

Kind of like how it took me forever to break my fiorst child of biting me when he was breastfeeding...but I *knew* what that sensation would become when my second child chomped his toothless gums down on me and i was able to react quickly and consistently...he stopped biting after an experiment or two.  (Long before his brother weaned and so stopped biting.)

How to keep it from being a battle?  Kind of like you did when you were teaching them 'please' and 'thank you' when they were tiny.  When they ask edfor something, and you repeated their request with a "please Mamma" at the end and then said "Tahnk you, mamma" after you had handed it to them.  It just becomes one of those reflexes to repeat phrases parrot-like. 

Now that he's older, I find it helps a lot to explain why the habit matters before I start consistently prompting him.  Our current projects are taking his plate from the table to the sink and keeping his toys off the floor and stairs.  I explain about vermin being attracted to plates that sit on the table all night instead of going into the dishwasher and about creaky old parents who cna't see the floor all the clearly tripping over toys and breaking both parent and toy before I started prompting him to take care of an oversight.  At this stage, I am still in the "Ok, everyone, dinner's over -- plates in the sink so we can <fill in the activity that comes next>."  (I actually caught myself mumbling "plates in the kitchen" when I finished a snack alone at the table while the guys were at chess club yesterday.  <blush>)

I'm sure it's not long before he asks me "Yeah, but why do *I* have to do it?  You could put my plate in the litchen just as easily as I can" ... at which point I will point out the value of having the habit when he's on his own. 

"What do you all think of the "be your child's ally" concept? "

Oh yeah!  I have to say that I think this makes all the difference in the world.  When I am tired and cranky, I occasionally fall into the bad habit of seeing my children as "adverary".  not sure where that attitude comes from, but I suspect I took it in with my own Gerbers because it started almost as soon as I had my first.  And when I start to take that attitude, I can count on my kids beginning to resist me and act up.  When I am able to stay well-rested enough to focus on us all being "on the same team" (same concept) I find I get a huge amount of easy cooperation.  I also rememebr to explain why, remind gently, and all those other things that make life make more sense and thus go more smoothly. 

It's excellent advice! 

Some thoughts on this chapter.  Cheerful reminding of a habit is an area I need to work on with my kids.  My 6 year old is at an age where he does want to please his parents and Grama. He tries so hard.  So it's easier now to enlist him as an ally.  My 3 yo is going through that strong-willed, independent "do it my way" stage.  He gets into things and spills them constantly.  It's a bit hard not to get mad when you find your (3yo) child in the living room with stamps and permanent ink.  I realize this is childish behavior and not willful disobedience, so I try to control my temper.  It's hard not to show some frustration though.  All around, even with willful disobedience, I've realized where getting upset just makes things worse and everyone gets grumpy so CM is right about this...

When I've started to see some real fruit with the things we've worked on over the last year or so, it is a true delight.  In hindsight, I wish I was less anxious and embarassed about these things that we were working on.  It gives me a better perspective from here on out.  A good phrase to repeat to myself is "we're working on it."   I have much more empathy for a new mother with an infant and toddler.  When she says how naughty her older child seems to be all of a sudden, I have a good idea why this happens!  Sleep deprivation is a big reason that makes it harder to cope with the toddler years.  Not my favorite stage to say the least.  The second time around with the 2's and 3's and I'm more relaxed.  All those disapproving mothers at preschool playgroup should see my 6 year old now!!